When I launched Scribbler in the Sand in September, I was psyched. Motivated. Excited to see where it was going to take me. Fully committed, but realistic. And then October came.
I am a summer girl. None of this “the colors are so pretty in fall!” Or “isn’t the falling snow so peaceful? Who doesn’t love a white Christmas?” (Spoiler alert: Me.) As far as spring goes, we are civil with each other but I still don’t appreciate its tendency to snow on a whim after three weeks of increasing temperatures that promise my seasonal lover’s return.
So, October was interesting. It began with residual energy from September as we were blessed with a bit of an Indian summer. Then the weather shifted, it got cold and dreary, and, as is wont to happen, I got a sinus infection – huzzah – the cough from which still lingers. Devoid of energy and hating pretty much everything, I was confined to the couch with DVDs of The Big Bang Theory and copious amounts of herbal tea and toast. This time of slothfulness led to introspection and self-review.
*NOTE: I am always performing introspection and self-review. It might come with being a perfectionist or just because my brain finds itself bored in daily life and needs to invent ways to torment me.
Eventually, I accepted that I had entered into a season of life wherein I was just enjoying myself (and recovering from being sick, obviously). I did what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted, and most definitely ate what I wanted. Isn’t that what our society encourages now anyway? Meet your responsibilities, but otherwise just enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! Oh, and always be working toward being your best self. Maintain your health by doing things one, two, three, and four. Get a full night’s sleep, but don’t sleep too much or you’ll lose time working toward all those projects you’re supposed to pursue in order to lend credibility to your existence.
You can see where my mind has been.
After two solid years of nothing but stress, I am finally relaxed and able to focus on my own desires. This is brand new territory for me. In fact, I’m not quite sure what my desires are.
And that’s where I find myself today: Wondering exactly what I want. There have been moments when I knew exactly what I wanted, I devised a plan to get there, and I achieved what I wanted. But so many wrenches – most good, some not so much – have landed in my path that any course of action I’d been working on in my 20’s has found its way into a ditch.
So as I look out the window of my office at the sun pushing through the remaining clouds of Winter Storm Avery’s visit yesterday, I feel a tingling in my fingers, my toes, the ends of my hair which are getting a thorough chopping tomorrow morning. Somewhere deep in my core, I feel a rumbling, the vibrations of a whisper telling me, “it’s time to get a move on.”
Let’s get the beach ball rolling: In what season of life do you find yourself today?