About six months have passed since I decided to return to the writing world. I have not achieved very much. I continue to let other aspects of life interfere with pursuing my goals. I talked a great game back in September. Now in March, that game is just a memory and I’m left thinking the same thing I’m always thinking, have been thinking since I graduated from college: Who am I?
I have a good grasp on who I am as a person, what my responsibilities are, the roles that I play in my family. But who am I as a creator? And, more importantly, who do I think I am that I deserve to create for a living?
I admire the people who have made empires for themselves. I envy those who have harnessed their creative abilities and not only found opportunities for themselves but, in many instances, made them by their own volition. I scroll through their stories and wonder how in the world they did it. What makes them so different from me?
Our society continues to put great emphasis on defining ourselves through the work that we do. So for those of us who do not feel we’ve found our niche, we may be left feeling definition-less. Maybe even worthless.
I used to think that everyone discovered themselves by age 30, at the absolute latest. I just assumed my father knew he was a mechanic, my mother knew she was a banker. In college, I had no “undeclared” friends. They were teachers, missionaries, pastors. No questions and no doubts. It never occurred to me that maybe dad didn’t want to be a mechanic – life just led him there. Maybe mom wanted to be a nurse, not a banker, but necessity and time and – surprise! – two kids put the kabosh on any hopes of further education.
And maybe those people I knew in college, with whom I’ve long lost touch, aren’t so sure about their vocations anymore.
I definitely feel that I’ve entered into a new stage of life. Though I’ve always been introspective and discerning, I find my thought life deepening and becoming more involved and enriched as I think about myself, my life, the people I care about, and God and His plans for me. I’m learning that very few if any people really know who they are and what they’re meant to do by 30. Or 40. Or 50. Or by retirement! Maybe I’m not definition-less or worthless.
Maybe, right now, I’m just seeking.
Let’s get the beach ball rolling: Do you have a firm grasp on who you are or are you still seeking your true definition?